What's Wrong With This Kid?
By D. Wilson Johns, M.S.W.
"Jordan is getting into fights at school and he doesn't
seem to care that I've taken away his Nintendo as a
punishment."
"Halie has started defying me. She refuses to follow
simple rules that she has always obeyed. She's never been
like this."
"Josh won't do his homework or pay attention in class. He
says he's completed his work but gets angry and makes
excuses when he gets a 'D'. There's just no talking to that
kid. What's wrong with him? He could be an 'A' student."
These are a sample of problems parents often present to
me in counseling. Often their kids have been pretty nice
people who appear to change dramatically once they enter
adolescence. Sometimes these are long-standing problems.
Many of these kids get inappropriately diagnosed with
Conduct Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, and
Attention Deficit Disorder. As a result, a pattern may begin
of lowered expectations, repeated embarrassment (for parents
and children), and even institutional prejudice. "Nobody
sees the good things about my kid!" is a comment I've heard
from many a caring and frustrated parent. Sometimes
overlooked with such "aggressive" behaviors is the
prevalence of anxiety or depression in a child.
Adults are familiar with many typical signs of
depression: Depressed mood most of the day, a decrease in
pleasurable experiences, difficulty getting out of bed, and
feelings of worthlessness. Diagnosing depression in young
people is sometimes more complicated for a host of reasons
including a youth's fears about disclosing personal
information. Kids may be afraid of further labeling and the
shame that comes with thinking "I'm crazy."
Anxiety and depression are closely linked in many young
people and so hyperactivity, short tempers, and distractible
behaviors may be signs that a young person is overwhelmed or
frightened by something. A noticeable change in a youth's
mood should certainly arouse curiosity regarding what might
have changed in that young person's environment and could,
of course, indicate drug abuse. Behavior problems, new or
chronic, may stem from any anxiety provoking experience:
from arguing parents to growing up in poverty.
Most importantly, behavior needs to be considered within
a context: In other words, what purpose does a particular
behavior serve? Angry and disrespectful behaviors signal
unhappiness in young people and should be addressed with
compassion.
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