Instilling Hope In Young People By D. Wilson Johns, M.S.W.   School shootings are increasingly in the news. Columbine, Atlanta and Springfield High here in Oregon remind us of how fragile and precious human life, especially young life, is. While pundits, politicians, and social scientists debate objective causes of these and other killings of young people, most of us are left with our own very personal fears, bewilderment, and denials. Without a doubt the reasons for these and other tragedies are complicated and often overwhelming. How do we as adults instill hope in our young people in the wake of periodic hardships and possible despair? Kids need a sense of hope about their lives. Having hope enables kids to respond resiliently when life is hard; they need hope in the present and hope for the future. Responding resiliently means rolling with the punches or behaving flexibly when faced with problems. Hope isn't a tangible thing (try showing someone your "hope") it's more a process which must be renewed. Hope is an individual's subjective experience of feeling part of something greater than oneself. It is the experience that "I am not alone." For teens who are experimenting with individuality and independence hope may seem fleeting. Many kids feel confused or conflicted about vague notions of being independent (i.e., "be a man") verses being a child. If having hope is the emotional experience of belonging to something greater than myself I may get frustrated by a false sense that being independent means never asking for help. This misconception can lead to despair and tragedy. However, hope can be constantly renewed through human relating. When someone demonstrates her interest in me though genuine attempts to understand me (without changing me) that interest, more than factual understanding, gives me hope that I am not alone. Furthermore, by attempting to understand me without trying to change me or my problem I learn about interdependence, that all of us are simultaneously distinct individuals and part of larger families and communities. Parents, you too need hope. The human need for hope doesn't end, it only changes in quality with life experience. Sometimes the best way to help your child is to get the understanding, love, and support you need. Many parents come to me wanting help for their kids and discover their own isolation and despair in this busy world. When all family members experience mutual interest in one another, there is hope through belonging.