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Why might someone choose family therapy over
individual therapy? Family therapy is a counseling
approach that thinks about problems systemically.
In other words, specific individualized problems
are considered in relationship to the family
context and to family dynamics. A person's problem
is not separate or isolated from the interactions
that person experiences within her or his family
grouping.
It's important to understand, however, that a
family therapy perspective and methodology need not
be limited to either a formal family counseling
session (i.e., all family members sitting in a
session together) nor to a traditional family unit
concept (i.e., with mother, father and siblings
present). Individual psychotherapy may also utilize
family therapy methods and the notion of "family"
need not be limited to a traditional one. The work
environment can be a family, the greater societal
and cultural contexts can be considered family, and
there are infinite possible groupings.
What's both practical and instructive about a
family therapy perspective is precisely that it
utilizes a "systems" perspective: The notion that
individuals and their problems are interconnected
and related to the greater environment within which
people live their lives. As social beings, humans
affect and are affected by one another and by the
institutions (family, government, society, etc.)
that we create and interact with. A Family Systems
perspective reveals people and their problems as
influenced by environmental contexts.
Thank you for your interest in my family
counseling practice. For general information about
my therapy practice, please go to my home
page for a listing of all pages at this site.
Below is an uncompleted essay of mine that will
give you a taste of my family therapy perspective.
Also, please look at my Adults
and Parents Page and my Parenting
Page. Feel free to call me with any questions
you may have at 503-252-3739.
Every Family Is
Functional
Perhaps you know the old saying, "The right tool
for the right job." For example, I may need to
pound some nails but for the length of my life up
'till now I've only owned a wrench. That wrench is
functional; it works great on bolts, just not as
good as I'd like it to when I pound nails. Now I've
had a lot of bolts to twist in my day but it's been
hard to pound in those nails. One day I begin to
recognize and acknowledge that my wrench doesn't do
the job that I used to think it could or should do
on nails and I begin to think about what kind of
hammer I'd like. However, I'm not going to throw
away the wrench . I'm going to learn when to better
use my wrench and how to incorporate the
hammer.
Do you understand the moral of the story?
Sometimes we realize that a good tool no longer
fits the purpose for which we originally used it.
You and your family have learned and created
functional ways or tools for behaving in the world
that may not serve your purposes as well as they
used to or as well as you used to think they
do.
If there is one thing that I would like you to
understand it's this: You and your family are
functional. By this I mean you are all
magnificently unique and creative in the way you
live your lives, in the way you all respond to
troubles, in the way you play, grieve, laugh, cry
and get angry. For better or for less we have all
learned behaviors and created lives for ourselves
that are as individual as our fingerprints.
Everyone is unique and creative in the way she or
he lives her/his life.
What difference does this make? It's this:
Because your life course is creative it has served
a function, specifically, to help you make sense of
reality and your place in it. Now, I'm not saying
it's always been easy but it has gotten you this
far: Sometimes helpful, sometimes painful and . . .
it's gotten you this far. And, if you look deep
enough, you just might make some sense of your
unique and creative life path. Your life hasn't
appeared out of thin air. It's been a process of
what has come before. Like I said, sometimes
helpful, sometimes not so helpful. Definitely not
broken! Understanding this creative process is
important toward realizing that you and your family
are functional and that gives you a lot of power;
the power to choose what you keep and what you
discard in your life.
I also want to be clear about one thing: Having
this understanding not only gives us power it also
requires that we accept responsibility for our
behaviors. In other words, this understanding never
gives one the right to harm another being. I
believe that all behavior is functional, in other
words, it serves a purpose. Often that purpose is
to make sense of our reality or to feel comfortable
in our world. From this viewpoint even violent
behavior can be understood as an attempt to feel
secure or competent. However, once we understand
how our behaviors harm other beings our response
must be to stop or seek help to stop those
behaviors.
Psychology and psychiatry, through both theory
and popular literature, have often promoted a
"problem focused" assessment of individual and
family behavior. Concepts like "dysfunctional
family" and "codependent personality" are only the
most common labels that problematically define who
people are psychologically and emotionally. While
these labels may contribute to some popular insight
into human behavior, they also invite us to
criticize who we are as people. "Every family is
dysfunctional; mine is." or "Now I understand that
I'm codependent." are common remarks that describe
what's wrong with families and people. However,
these concepts do not provide alternative
solutions. All of us are more than the sum total of
our constituent parts, and we are certainly more
than any one particular characteristic.
Understanding behavior as functional and purposeful
invites compassion, for ourselves and others, and
inspires innovative solutions that confirm our
power in the world. So, please be gentle with
yourself and find strength in your creative
instincts. You are on a journey and I wish you
well.
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